Having twins has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I love watching my boys interact and look forward to watching their special bond grow as they get older. I treasure every moment I have with my two little ones, but sometimes it can be hard and challenging. I would be lying if I said every day was amazing, some days are not, some days push me to my limit. Do I absolutely adore my twin boys? Yes! could I just sit and watch them all day long? Absolutely! Do I love them more than I ever thought possible? You betcha! Am I absolutely overwhelmed and have days when feel like I am teetering on the edge of mass chaos and my entire household falling apart? Umm….yes…
Having twins is harder than I ever imagined. There are days when I feel like I am juggling too many hats and if I let one of them fall they will all come crashing down. Sometimes I am completely exhausted, totally overwhelmed, and trying to just maintain some level of sanity. There are times I just want to sit in a corner and cry, while other times I feel like I could sleep for days. Majority of the time my two little ones are perfect angels, but then there are those days…I refer to them as spoon full of icing days…the days you feel like an entire pan of brownies may just make you feel better. The days when both boys are crying all day long, all their needs are met, and you cannot figure out how to help them. The days when your two arms are just not enough, when you cannot get bottles together fast enough, and when no matter how hard you try you cannot calm your two little ones down. These days are hard. These days are frustrating. These days are exhausting.
Sometimes there are nights when one of my precious boys will not go to sleep no matter how hard you try. These nights would be ok if there were one, but there are two, so these nights come more often than not. The nights when you are holding a crying baby until 3am. Or the nights when you cannot lay the baby down without him starting to cry and waking up his brother. The nights when you wish they would just end so you could quit trying to sleep and just go on about your day.
Sometimes there are times when I miss my Hubby. Even though he is in the same room as me or lying next to me in bed, I miss him. I miss having the energy to laugh with him, play games with him, or even stay up late to watch a movie together without falling asleep. I miss not being frustrated with him and him with me. I miss our peaceful nights sleep without 2am bickering. I miss our stress free fun filled marriage and date nights when we didn’t rush home so we wouldn’t miss those few precious hours of sleep we get. I miss conversations not being held over crying babies and actually being able to talk about our day with each other.
Sometimes I miss having a clean house and laundry done. I miss cooking and having dinner ready when Jeremy gets home from work. I miss lunch out with my friends or even being able to run to the grocery store just to pick up a few things. I miss not having to lug a diaper bag, 2 car seats, and a double stroller every where I go. I miss looking cute and having my hair and make-up done. I miss not wearing baggy lounge clothes everyday because you are between your pregnancy and pre-pregnancy clothes and there is really no reason to look cute just to be spit up on, it honestly would just create more laundry….
Sometimes there are nights like last night when I go to bed after 2am just so I could enjoy a few minutes when the house is quiet and steal a few moments to zone out and relax. I know I will be up in 1 hour to feed the babies again and I know I will be exhausted tomorrow, but having a few minutes to relax is priceless these days. Sometimes I go to bed realizing I have not had a shower in 2 days and pray I get one tomorrow. There are times when I find dried spaghetti sauce left on my arm from when I was trying to make dinner in-between consoling and feeding babies. There are times like tonight when I feel guilty for letting Noah cry a few extra minutes because Jeremy was sound asleep and didn’t hear him cry and I just wanted to brush my teeth.
Do these feelings make me a bad Mom? No. If anything it makes me realize just how hard being a mom is. It is truly one of the toughest jobs in the world. To have it all together you would have to be everything to everyone with a smile on your face while you look cute doing it, and I am just not there yet. I am still in the barely showered, clothed in sweats, with my house in disarray, but my boys are well loved, fed and clean, some laundry is done but not put away, and I actually cooked dinner stage. I know this stage will seemingly last only a moment, things will get easier, the boys will sleep longer, and Jeremy and I will get date nights again. This stage will make me a better Mom by forcing me to put in the hard work to earn my Mommy boots. With hard work come great reward and these boys are my great reward.
Being a Mom to multiples is not easy (I have new respect for all you moms of triplets, quadruplets or more, I have no idea how you do it), but it is totally worth it all when I wake up to see my two little ones snuggling in each other’s arms, when they smile at me with their big toothless grin, and when they prefer to go to their Mommy over anyone else. I love my two boys more than anything in this world and I would give up countless hours of sleep just to have them. Even though there are many things I miss and I daily face the challenges of being a mom of twins I wouldn’t change anything about my life at this point in time. These boys fill my heart with so much joy. By having twins I am given an opportunity to watch a bond between my boys that very few people get to experience. I am blessed. Blessed beyond measure. It may be tough, I may cry, and there may be days I wish I could escape for a few hours, but it is all totally worth it! With hard work comes great reward and God only gave me these two little ones because He knew that with Him I could do this!