The lights in the OR were bright and although there were 20+ people in the room I still felt somewhat alone. I was nervous. Who goes into a surgery where they are about to cut you open while you are awake and are not at least a little nervous. All the stories I heard while I was pregnant started flooding back to me. The one about a friend of a friend’s aunt’s cousin’s husband’s sister’s mailman’s wife who had a minor bled no one noticed and bled to death after her C-section, or the story someone told me about a women who ended up with a clot from her C-section, landed in the ICU and died a few days later. Seriously why do people tell you these stories!?! It is not nice, if you know someone who had something horrible happen to them during their C-section do not share it with your pregnant friends. As I am sitting there thinking about all these horrible stories people have told me over the past 36+ weeks I start thinking about my two little ones who I am about to meet. Am I ready to be a mom? Do I really understand how our life is about to change? What will it be like to have 2 children? Where is Jeremy? Why does he have to wait in the hall? I really need him to calm down my panic attack that is about to happen!
About that time the anesthesiologist decide to start my spinal. Seriously, can my hubby really not be in here?!? He was very patient and explained every little step to me. It actually was not as bad as I thought it would be. I could feel them numb the area on my back and then couldn’t feel anything until the entire lower half of my body started to tingle and then go numb. There is nothing more bizarre than trying to move and not being able to. Honestly it is not my favorite feeling in the world. The anesthesiologist had me lay down very quickly and after a minute or two, I started feeling my chest and arms go numb. I mentioned it to the anesthesiologist who quickly angled the table to where my head was a little higher than my feet and I could feel the tingling in my chest and arms slowly subside. I then started feeling nauseous, like I am going to puke right now nauseous. The anesthesiologist gave me something for the nausea, which seemed to help a little. All I could think about was how I was going to have to throw up while lying down. Can Jeremy please come in here now?
Finally Jeremy came into the OR and so did my OB-GYN doctor whom I love. It was so calming to finally have Jeremy by my side holding my hand. It is amazing one person can immediately make all your fears subside. We then began talking about how we were about to meet our babies and become a family of 4! My doctor decided to tell me what she was doing, but left out the gory details like “we are now cauterizing” or “now I am cutting you open” she didn’t have to say anything I could smell the cauterizing. Shortly after the smell of burnt flesh she said she could see Ian who was breech, at 2:48pm as she was pulling him out she said he had the cord around his neck twice and it was knotted, we immediately heard him start screaming and they brought him over for me to see. I was in awe and tears immediately began to feel my eyes. My son was beautiful. All the nurses began to talk about how cute he was and couldn’t believe all the hair he had. A minute later at 2:49pm our little Noah was born! He was transverse, had the cord around his neck once, and was not happy about being pulled out from his comfy cozy cave. His little scrunchy face looked so mad! His cry was a little quieter and it made me nervous as I saw the nurses putting a tiny oxygen mask on his face. My doctor continually asked for a report from the nurses working on my babies so that I would know they were doing ok. Finally we got an ok from Noah’s nurse and knew both boys were perfect. Ian weighed 5lbs 8oz and Noah was 6lbs 12oz. My big healthy boys!
I could finally relax, I felt like my heart was whole and more full of love then I could have every imagined. How can you fall in love with two tiny people you just met? It was exciting, scary, amazing, and so full of love. Every moment was just amazing. Jeremy’s eyes immediately lit up as he saw his boys for the first time. He went from never having changed a diaper to super Dad in a matter of moments. It was almost as if this was meant for him, God had always planned for him to be the Dad to these two precious boys. Tears fell down my cheek as Jeremy held both boys in his arms. That is a moment I will never forget, seeing my three boys together for the first time. Although the room was full of people it felt as if it was just the four of us, getting to know each other for the first time.
Once the surgery was finished I was able to hold the boys as we were wheeled out of the OR. We passed our family in the hallway and they were able to see the boys for the first time and then we were whisked away into our room for recovery. Even though I wanted our family to be able to come meet the boys, the nurses would not allow anyone in our room until my recovery was over about an hour later. This first hour was precious for our new little family. I was tied to the bed with all my lines and tubes and couldn’t feel the lower half of my body, but I got to watch Jeremy give our boys their first bath, change their first diapers, and jump right in to daddy mode. He has been an amazing dad from the moment our two were born.
July 31st, 2011 was full of more emotions than I could ever convey, mostly love and joy. I had dreamed about this day for over 36 weeks. I wondered what my boys would look like and what it would be like to be a mom. My boys are the most precious thing in my life; I never knew you could love someone so much. My heart tripled in size on this day as it grew to love each of my boys. I don’t know how to explain it, but becoming a mom changes you. It is like all of the sudden your heart is outside of your body in two little beings. You have two little ones that you love more than you ever thought possible and you would do anything for these two, I mean anything. All the sudden you are forced to trust God more than you thought you ever would and you begin to comprehend how much He truly loves us. After moments of having my precious boys I can’t even remember what my life was like before they made their appearance, all I know is my heart grew bigger on July 31st as my little family doubled in size. How blessed was I that God picked me to be the Momma to these two little ones. I never will understand why He thought I was worthy of being blessed with two precious boys, but I will forever be grateful that He has entrusted these two to me. July 31st was the day my entire world changed, the day I became a Mom for the very first time…..